I just ran out of mixers. So I ordered pizza and pasta from Domino’s so I could get a 2-liter of Coke. I. Am. A. Genius.
“I need to go get Popsicles at Safeway for my costume.”
“So I can rub them on boys’ bodies and then put them in my mouth.”
“Sounds like a great way to find a husband.”
Let’s hope so. Wish me luck.
It’s always so refreshing to have to run eight blocks to the bus stop at 11 in the morning after a night of gratuitous drinking. Mmmm.
On the off chance that anyone else would like to know my Instagram, it just so happens to be DraytonStr8. Also, this is the first ask I’ve gotten in like… 84 years.
My life is on a downward spiral to oblivion.
I feel like such a hick walking around the Ave with a cowboy hat…
Drinking whiskey on the rocks in the shower. The epitome of classy.
So there’s this guy who comes into my work multiple times a week with his friend and makes lots of weird eye contact with me. I can’t tell if he’s trying to flirt with me, or if he just really likes udon…
You know you’re livin’ the life when the highlight of your day is getting new underwear in the mail.
If you just finished watching Doctor Who a few minutes ago, you can come to the front and pick up your ticket to my bed.
So this happened:
"Hey, you look familiar. Didn’t you go to high school in Osky?"
"Wow, I didn’t recognize you! Last year you were so skinny."